All Or Nothing Is Not How It Should Be
Where does this shadow grow from?
A few weeks ago my mentor and teacher asked us to uncover a long deep seated belief system that we may attribute to a past life. Just a simple exploration of the possibility that something deeply engrained within us may have a root in a previous lifetime.
I spent more time than I care to admit to decide what I wanted to explore. Even though I have “seen” parts of previous lifetimes of mine, I never actively asked to be shown a lifetime.
(note that we cannot ask for a specific lifetime to be shown - only a lifetime in which our quandary is important in)
Below is my personal reading - looking for answers in the past to better my future.
Deep Seated Belief:
I am sick and tired of the “all or nothing” pattern I fall into with anything. From food to life.
I typically walk through a meadow before entering the records - but today I was in a vortex of white lightning. But it wasn’t scary at all - it just was. I seemingly floated to my door today and opened the door with a brass handle - again much different than my previous experiences.
Where does my “all or nothing” attitude come from? If it is a past lifetime - please show me
As soon as I asked this question and asked to be shown - a hand out of nowhere came and held my hand and pulled me into a book. We were so small and the pages just fluttered - it took quite a while to get to the first page of where this belief of mine came from. Once we stopped I was shown a large diamond - but it was more like a looking glass - I could see through it and scenes were being played inside. I am being shown what I am presuming my past life self holding onto another person - it appears they are teenagers. They are spinning and spinning. Enjoying the feeling of controlled unease. I feel there is freedom in this moment - and great happiness. They are both teen girls here. I am also being shown the other girl being ripped away from me and my hands - The feeling of sheer panic sets in. She is gone. Dread sets in instead of the joy I felt before. I begin to walk - just walk. Making myself busy. Filling the void of dread with needless tasks. Accumulating tasks like they’re trophies. Not resting. (This is what I do!)She became everything for everyone with no sense of self. She never recovered from the dread but rather stuffed it down.
How can I heal this self imposed binding?
I am being shown to make an offering to my past self. Utilizing a seashell and ash? Perhaps a note to burn. - The dread is unnecessary - the punishment need not exist - living your life should not be a punishment for others not leading (or being able to) lead theirs.
I can see myself hugging the previous lifetime self - and she collapses from the weight of it all. She didn’t allow herself to play when her cloud of dread appeared. I need to allow myself more playtime - more time for just me to laugh and enjoy life.
I hide behind goals. I hide behind food. I choose food for comfort because it is solid. It is attainable. But my own emotions and self regulation is more abstract. It’s harder to grasp onto the feeling of comfort when it is internal.
Experimenting knowing that the end result can be fixed no matter how messed up it gets is important for me. I get stuck in this “I need to know everything” before making a decision or going through with a project. Experimenting for the sake of experimenting is worth the monetary cost to gain emotional comfort.
When I came to the part of asking the keepers for assistance - I was whooshed out from the book. In this lifetime - I find it very difficult to ask for help. To ask for things I need. Asking the keepers - the divine energy - for assistance was hard! But I am worthy.
When I asked if they could help release this sticky stretchy connection, I watched it stretch and stretch like bubble gum, life it wasn’t quite ready.
“How can I release these feelings” - Each choice I make in the opposite fashion from before will break these chains.
What lessons has this taught me?
The ability to stand on your own two feet have promised you things in life that you do not think you would have ever received - but there is a happy balance of independence and dependence. You are one with the earth and it’s people. You are a network - one blip in the web. Shutting yourself off and not allowing others to connect to your part of the web allows things to fall through. This lesson of connection is one you are learning while working through this shadow.
Is there anything else I need to know?
I was flashed forward to seeing myself as an old woman - I am looking across green grass with the sun hitting my face listening to the laughter of children. I see two children spinning just as my previous lifetime showed. It’s a beautiful feeling to see the pure joy these children had - and I get to be a part of it. This heals the last remaining part of my past life.
I am very excited to dive deeper into the many messages I received in this reading - come back for more!
I've been thinking about this for because I, too, used to see all or nothing as a weakness. I'm either dieting or binging on junk food. I work too many hours or I'm lounging on the couch. But is it an inherent weakness or do you think we can turn it into a strength, building it into our lives and KNOWING the different times that require our all yet sustain when we're doing nothing?